Listening to my own advice

I was with my friend Michaela today, who is not a member. She told me she and her husband are attending couples counseling. Sadness overwhelmed me, but I was also hopeful. At least they haven't given up on their marriage. I hope they don't. He is a part owner in a restaurant and opening another one, which means he is insanely busy. This also means Michaela has been a single mom for a couple of months. Neither one has a day off. They have little to no time alone or with each other. This is a recipe for disaster on so many levels. I offered some unsolicited advice... he needed to impose his own limits on his work. With a job that is 24/7, he has to be the one to impose the limits so it doesn't destroy him (and his marriage). She needed to go do something for herself. They needed to find time to spend together, alone.

Then I thought about us. Our marriage isn't perfect, but I am glad you don't work 100 hours a week and leave me a single mom. We try to get out and do things alone together, and I try to get out by myself. I appreciate your support and encouragement in all of these activities. Surely, we could do a little more, but on the whole, I think we do pretty well. Sitting here thinking about this, I wanted to tell her that she and her husband need to go to the temple, which wouldn't be appropriate necessarily since they are not members. But it made me realize how lucky we are to have the temple, to understand the covenants we have made and the nature of God as well as the role of family in his plan. It also made me want to share these things with her in some way.

They have been married as long as we have. Their kids are the same age as ours (minus Fiona). We may have ups and downs, good days and bad. I may complain about my lack of sleep or time to myself, but at least we are trying to think about each other and make the other person happier. That alone has made a big difference in the functionality and happiness of our marriage. So thanks for always thinking of me and not thinking of yourself and for loving me when I am not thinking of anyone but myself. I needed you long before I knew it. But I once I knew it, I never forgot it.

Regarding Being Better For You Now A Long Time Ago

I can still remember the feeling I had the first time I was in love with a girl who was really good. She was older that me; enough for it to make a difference at that young teen age of ours. She was a senior and I was a sophomore, so basically, it was never gonna happen with us.

But she was really nice to me. She took me to the movies on my birthday. We had a really great time. I really let myself love her, perhaps because I felt safe knowing that it really couldn't happen, but because I was so deeply smitten with this good girl, I started to imagine what a future with her would be like. It was kind of a mind-blowing experience. I tried to tell her this was happening at one point, and because I couldn't quite articulate it, the conversation just felt a little odd.

I think I understand better now what was happening in my mind. Because of the person that she was, I couldn't picture us together in the future without seeing myself as a better person as well. The most eye-opening part was that I really wanted to be that person. I wanted to be better, to be good. I wanted to be strong, and to be worthy of her. Just the idea of being in a real relationship with her, however far fetched, made me want to be better, and I found joy in the feeling that I could be. I could do it. I could change and be better.

You make me feel this way. You make me want to be strong. To look my demons in the face and deal with them because I know you are good and that our relationship is worth it.

I know it's hard to make the kind of sacrifices that bring us real and lasting improvement, in ourselves and in our relationship, but I'm strengthened by your love for me and patience with me. I still find joy in the thought that I can be better, and I love that our love is a motivator of that. I think it's a big part of the covenants we have made and try to keep. Truly, our redeemer, Jesus Christ, has the most power to help us become better than we are, so it's equally encouraging that His power is what gives our covenants their efficacy.

I'm rambling now. Like that day many years ago when I tried to explain what was happening to my swiftly blowing mind. It may take a few decades for me to figure out what's happening here and now with us and feel able to articulate it. Until then, know that I'm very deeply smitten with you, and glad that you make me want to be better.

Remembering a Conversation From the Other Night

I had been browsing around on Amazon and came across a few self-help books for couples. Using the "look inside" function I read a few pages of content and read some stories of couples with some serious issues that they were able to overcome. I was happy they did, and even more relieved to note how relatively tame any issues in our relationship seem to be. I was thinking about all this when I started this conversation.

Me: So, here's a rather ridiculous question, mostly because I'm asking you to quantify something that can't really be quantified, but how would you rate our relationship on a scale of one to ten?

You: Our relationship?

Me: Yeah, like the health of our relationship. How would you score it?

Your answer was quick and rather nonchalantly delivered as you put something in the fridge.

You: I'd say 8. Maybe 8.5?

I was hoping you wouldn't score us lower than a seven, so I was very pleased with your reply, and even more to feel like it matched the score I would give us. I nodded in agreement.

Me: Yeah. I'm right there with ya.

The conversation drifted into other things more practical and immediate, but later in the evening I followed up by asking...

Me: So, what can we do to improve our relationship?

Again your answer came quickly and matter of fact.

You: We've just gotta get rid of these kids.

Here's to you, my love. And to these little humans you could never live without.